omnistoic

Yes, I realize that that quote made no sense whatsoever. I"m just wasting time right now- I have to go to a rehearsal for the musical (Guys and Dolls) for which I'm playing piano accompaniment for at 12, so I had planned to get some homework done before then. I just realized that the history I've spent the last hour on isn't due until Wednesday, and I have plenty of things due Tuesday that I still have to do. I guess I'll do those now, but because of my wasted time, I have just completely lost my motivation.

On a more positive note, I worked things out with my girlfriend, so things are going much more smoothly. That's a small mercy, so I'm going to use that to jump off of and plunge into homework. More random: I thought about creating a Twitter account today, but no one would actually use/read it, so I decided there was no need. Besides, I'd just be conforming more to the whole "Generation Me" persona, which I would like to avoid doing.

And so.... on to homework.....again.

Leanee Womack.

And now I'm going to rant.


 

Do I sound quixotic? Hopefully not- that would undermine my entire platform of practicality and relativism. But now is not a time for discussion or ranting. I'm just posting for the hell of it; partly as an excuse for not working on my history project on the Zapatistas of Mexico. I mean the old Zapatistas- not the new ones with a website who are exploiting the new pop-culture fascination with "underground" things. I guess I'm just taking it easy tonight- I had a little bit of a breakdown earlier, so I'm just going to relax relax relax. That's why I'm listening to Davis, who is absolutely awesome. Him, tea, and a headache balances everything out nicely. I also have a good chunk of Ghiradelli chocolate next to me, so that will also help me out. I have a presentation to do on Ralph Waldo Emerson tomorrow for my English class- that guy was such a hypocrite. He bothers me, but I do, in a way, understand what he's getting at and where he's coming from. Can't judge anybody- that's not fair of you and its not fair to them.

It's now almost 11 where I am, and I"m going to write up some notes on those Zapatistas or Emilio Zapata, whichever I can find more info on.

And a small little shout out to ragdollgal, who is the only person who has become my 'friend.' Thanks!

Stephen Wright.

I haven't had a lot of time to be online lately. School has not been demanding much mental ability from me lately (in the one week we have been back), but there has been a lot of drama/stuff to deal with in my personal life. Its not really "girl trouble" in the sense that most people would think of. I'm more worried about a girl with whom I am going out right now. I'm not having doubts about her or anything, but she is doubting me. Not really sure why; she's thought that I liked this other girl before (I never have), that I don't care about her (I always have), etc and etc. She's had boyfriends in the past who have acted along the lines that would lead her to believe that I would do similar things as well, but hopefully I can persuade her that I'm not that kind of person. I genuinely care for her.

Now this is sounding a bit too "MySpace"-y. I'll stop that little rant for now. I don't really have anything else to rant about right now, so I"m just going to go to bed early. How refreshing! Seven hours of sleep!

Arthur Gray. I have black tea now. I usually try to stay away from caffeine, but to hell with it this time. School starts on Monday, and I've just been reflecting on the past "Winter Break." Have I done much? One would guess so, but I set my expectations for myself so high that I do not really think I have made efficient use of this break. In terms of relaxation, I have succeeded. So.... not a failure?

I actually took a practice SAT test today and got a 2280. I'm going to shoot for a 2400 when I take it later on in January. Overachiever? Probably. Geek? No, I don't bite the heads off of live chickens and snakes at state fairs.

Why do I sound so weird now? I don't even make sense to myself. Oh well, on to smaller and worse things such as playing games on my TI-84+.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. Its raining where I am: we have a series of three annoying rain/wind storms coming through, and the first one has just ended. I'm lucky that the power hasn't gone out (yet), although because I'm on a laptop, that won't be too much of a problem. I am probably the "umpteenth" person to say this (for lack of a better word meaning "a lot"), but I love the rain. It provides such a wonderful excuse to just stay inside and not really do anything- which is exactly what I have done.

I'm actually not feeling like writing anymore right now, so I'm going to go vaporize any useful braincells I still have by playing Sauerbraten, an open-source FPS that is actually quite fun.

I am procrastinating sooooo much....

Ellen Page. As one may have guessed, I am bored right now. I have plenty of things I should do, yes, but none of them seem like something I would like to be doing now. Am I just unmotivated? Probably. Do I care about things? Most definitely, I am just choosing not to act on anything, possibly because I do not have any energy to do so. I am not curious either. I am just bored. I suppose that if I were curious, I would not be bored, but that would only be true if we all took Ellen Page as a credible source on matters that are outside of her subjective reality.

Wait....I have an idea: I'm going to go into the other room and be bored there. Maybe the change of scenery will help me decide what to do.

Eleanor Roosevelt.

I’m in a philosophical mood right now, not really sure why. Just listening to Wilco’s “California Stars” while at my grandmother’s house. Just staring at my computer screen. Just wonder if its worth going to bed, or if I should just stare at the ceiling all night. Just wondering what my plans are for the next few weeks. Just wondering if I’m doing all I can right now, in terms of actions, thoughts, words, etc. Just thinking. And I guess that is all anyone can really guarantee, is that they can think about something. Actions are not guaranteed, nor are people’s reactions to those actions. What someone initially thinks is determinable only by that person, and that is all one individual has control over, assuming that they are that one person who instigates the entire thing. And now, I’m just thinking. Just….thinking. Not anything else. I don’t even know if what I’m thinking about will come to pass, or whether it will make a difference, or if it will die as another unborn idea. I think most of my ideas turn out to be dead ends. I have had many goals, dreams, expectations that have all been forsaken because of pragmatism. As I learn more about things, I learn more about how likely things are (or are not) to occur. This is what I call pragmatism: the realization that things will not always go your way. It is also the realization that things can go your way. But first and foremost, it is the realization that the world, not your prayers, thoughts or hopes, will determine the final outcome. Hoping is merely an accepted form of superstition, almost like crossing one’s fingers or praying to the deity that one happens to believe in.

Am I sounding “emo?” Stupid labels…there is no set definition for any of them: the definitions and application of such labels is left up to the individual.

I have also been thinking about my personal philosophies, and what those are actually defined as. (And here I am being a hypocrite again).

“Simple Twist of Fate.” Bob Dylan…how ironic….

I no longer think I am 100% post-modernist. I have my own blend of pragmatism, optimism, relativism, and probably some post-modernism and objectivism as well. I believe that things do not happen for some pre-determined reason, that as an individual, one must find what one wants to find in a given situation. Religion is useless as a means of directly affecting the future. Religious beliefs are powerful in that they control how people act and react in certain situations, but cannot determine the outcome of a situation. No matter how much “praying” one performs, reality will not have been altered for other people. Praying (along with religion) alters one’s personal reality, and one can use one’s personal reality to affect other realities of other individuals, but as a primary agent of action and change in a broad sense (as it is often thought of), religion is useless. I am not saying that religion is useless to the individual; this is most certainly not the case. I am also not saying that God does not exist. God is impossible to prove and impossible to refute, and is therefore so impossibly enigmatic that there can be no certainties relating to the existence of God. I believe that God exists in personal realities, but not in the broader sense, because everybody views things differently. Since everybody views things differently, no universal truths can be drawn from this mess. Even concepts as “elementary” or “fundamental” as gravity are non-provable in the universal sense. In some different culture or situation, one may believe that a rock drops to earth because the two are made of the same material and want to be together…just as a bird flies away from the earth because it is of a different substance. The possibilities of personal philosophies, realities and beliefs are endless.

Is this post-modernism?

Or is it something else?

Am I just trying to apply labels to things in order to understand them better?

Am I afraid of not knowing the “name” for something?

Or am I just thinking too hard about all of this?

Sydney J. Harris- whoever THAT is. He has a point, however, that coincides very directly (redundancies, redundancies) with my own. I simply do not have time to relax, which, of course, is a good sign that I need to relax. The Catch-22 occurs in the fact that I will not relax if I have time to relax, because I tell myself that I could be doing useful things. The times when it becomes terribly evident that I need to relax, I am so stressed that I actually do not have time to relax.

Speaking of which, I should probably relax now....

And now on to the Blogger vs. LiveJournal debate which is taking place inside of my head. Blogger looks so much nicer, and feels much more "homier." But LiveJournal has so much more of a welcoming community and has features that make it much easier to get "noticed," which is of course what every teenager wants, isn't it? To have that chance to say something and get heard? The thing is, most teenagers ARE heard, but refuse to accept it, for some strange reason. Blogging, Myspace, LiveJournal, Facebook, etc...all are ways for teenagers to say things that they usually would not say in real life. They can be judged by an audience of their choosing (usually an audience that agrees with them), find countless venues in which to co-miserate with others, create some private customizable space in which to creatively "blossom" with premade templates and images inserted through the classic "cut and paste."

I just realized that I'm being extremely hypocritical, but I am going to be extremely adolescent and refuse to admit that I am being hypocritical and go with the excuse that I am practicing defending two different points of view.

That is, actually, what I'm trying to do...as if anyone will take me seriously after that last paragraph...

Winston Churchill. Such bluntness, such pseudo-belligerence. But such quotability! I do talk a lot about "quotability," don't I. I guess that the best definition of this would be that someone who is "quotable" has a much more articulate way of saying the things that you wish you had thought of first. In a way, I am being hypocritical in that I use quotes as my headings (mostly as a topic of discussion), but criticize my use of them. I guess I'm part-objectivist, or at least part individualist, because I advocate people thinking for themselves. So, according to this philosophy, it is "okay" to use quotes as evidence or as topics of discussion. However, in this case, I have really just used the quote as an excuse to go off on a tangent.

But I digress.

I would say now that I should get to the important things at hand, except that there are not really any of those. Thus, I shall now go off on another tangent (or euphemistically an "anecdote") and say indirectly how happy I am that I have some time off. The second semester is supposedly much harder, which means that I will have to learn how to manage my time more efficiently. People say I do, but I usually end up procrastinating and either doing things really late or in the morning. That's not really great for my work ethic or my brain cells or my amount of sleep, so I'm going to make an effort to change the bad habits I have acquired. I am NOT going to make these changes under the guise of a "New Year's Resolution," because I believe that if I really want to (and can) change, I can do it anytime, instead of just one day out of the entire year.

Ironically, staying up until midnight on New Year's Eve will be an early night for me....

This is my blogspot entry, and I'll be porting those over until I reach a decision about which engine to use...

I made this account soooo long ago, but i haven't had the opportunity to make an entry. I actually have a blog over on http://catchdecember.blogspot.com/, but i don't know if its "sacrilege" to cross-platform blogs. I might try to combine the two into one blog, but I'm not really sure how to do that.

But anyhoo....first post! Mild enthusiasm!

Hello, all. This is my little outlet for emo moments. Right now, I'm fine, which is kinda pointless, but whatever. Life will suck tomorrow. I know it will. It always does. Why should I expect tomorrow to be as good as today was? Its pointless, really. Maybe this is why i get depressed most of the time.....